Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to
the accounting software severely limiting access to wardrobe,
flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product
brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable
programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and
OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as
PokerNight 1.31 SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4, and
ClutterEverywhere 4.5.

Unfortunately, Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and invariably
crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run
DrapeHanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this
all-purpose utility is of limited effectiveness and has on
occasion evoked the dreaded BSOD (Blue Screen of Death). Can you
help?

Signed, Jane

Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about,but it is
mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from
Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is
merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.

However, Husband 1.0 Is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by
its creator to run as few applications as possible. It is
definitely not designed for multi-tasking.  Further, you cannot
simply purge Husband 1.0 from your system and return to
Boyfriend  5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. 
Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend
5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files
from the system, once installed. Any modification program files
can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely
limited memory and cannot readily accept new information or
changes. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband
1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite
applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have
tried to install Boyfriend 6.0 or Husband 2.0.  However, these
women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband
1.0.  (Look in your manual under "Warnings:Divorce/Resource
Allocation.")  You will notice that trying to install either of
these programs (both of which, by the way, come pre-bundled with
HeartBreak 1.3) will result in poor system performance, system
conflict, and possible virus infection. I recommend you keep
Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and
illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you
read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults
(GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly
installed by the parent company as an integral part of the
operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for
ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause.

To activate this great feature enter the command C:/I THOUGHT YOU
LOVED ME.  Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while
entering the command.  Husband 1.0 should then run the
applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8. Husband
1.0 will then run efficiently for a few weeks before you start to
notice repeat problems.

TECH TIP!  Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can
create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may
have to give a C:\I APOLOGIZE command before the system will
return to normal operations.  Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0
to default to GrumpySilence 2.5 or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.  Beer
6.0 is an extremely disagreeable program that causes Husband 1.0
to create FatBelly files and wave files LoudSnore and
NoxiousGas.  All of these files are very hard to delete.  Save
yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!

Just remember:  Husband 1.0 will run smoothly and take the blame
for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only
intermittently run the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.  Husband
1.0 is a great program, but is plagued with memory and
performance problems.

Consider buying additional software to enhance its
functionality.  I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3,
Patience 10.1, and Appreciation 2.5.  If you keep these utilities
running in the background ready to be called when needed, Husband
1.0 will experience fewer system interrupts, crashes, and
lockups.  You will also notice after several years of use,
Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable
embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2, and
BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution!  Do NOT, under any circumstances, try to
install HisMotherlnLaw 1.0 as a resident program, even
temporarily.  This is not a supported application, and will cause
selective shutdown of the operating system due to high
incompatibility issues. Until HisMotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled,
Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install
Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck
in coming years.  We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this
product!

Tech Support












Click Here to Return to Joke Index