Things you don't see in a fortune cookie

• "Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."
• "Virgin like balloon...one prick, all gone."
• "Baseball wrong...man with four balls cannot walk!"
• "Baby conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard."
• "A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."
• "Man who smoke pot choke on handle."
• "OK for shit to happen...will decompose."
• "Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache."
• "Sailor who gets discharged from Navy leave buddies behind."
• "Secretary become permanent fixture when screwed on desk."
• "Don't drink and park, accident cause people."
• "He who cross the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double-crosser."
• "Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
• "It takes many nail to build crib, but one screw to fill it."
• "Never raise hand to angry child, it leave groin exposed."
• "Man who eat many prune, sit on toilet many moon."
• "Confucius say too God damn much!"
• "Those who quote me are fool."
• "Man who drive like hell bound to get there!"
• "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
• "Man who sit on tack get point!"
• "Man who run behind car get exhausted!"
• "Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"
• "War not determine who right, war determines who left."
• "Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets titbit."
• "Man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth."
• "Man who get kicked in testicle, left holding the bag."
• "Man who kiss girl's behind, get crack in face."
• "Passionate kiss like spider web...lead to undoing of fly."
• "Man with hole in pants pocket, feel cocky all day."
• "Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night."
• "Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing."
• "Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok."
• "Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent."