SEX PROGRAM
                                 ============



SEX(1)                      USER COMMANDS                     SEX(1)

NAME

     sex - have sex

SYNOPSIS

     sex [ options ] usercode [ usercode ... ]

DEFAULTS

     If no usernames are specified, names are taken from the LOVERS
     environment variable.

OPTIONS

     Options to make things more interesting are as follows:

-1  wiggle
-a  external stimulus (aphrodisiac) option
-b  buggery
-B    bestiality with 
-c  chocolate sauce option
-C  chaining option (cuffs included) (see also -m -s -W)
-d    get a date with the features described in 
-e  exhibitionism (image sent to all machines on the net)
-f  foreplay option
-F  nasal sex with plants
-i  coitus interruptus (messy!)
-j  jacuzzi option (California sites only)
-l  leather option
-L  Lick option
-m  masochism (see -s)
-M  triple parallel (Menage a Trois) option
-n  necrophilia (if target process is not dead, program kills it)
-N  Nipple option
-o  oral option
-O  parallel access (flower-picking party)
-p  debug option (proposition only)
-P  pedophilia (must specify a child process)
-q  quickie (wham, bam, thank you, ma'am)
-s  sadism (target must set -m)
-S  sundae option
-v  voyeurism (surveys the entire net)
-v1 vaseline option
-V  Vibrator option
-w  whipped cream option
-W  whips (see also -s, -C, and -m)
-x  extra (loop routine - cumming back for more)
-y  yogurt option

ERRORS

     'Missing External'      = "Where did I put the vibrator?"
     'Mismatch error'        = One component is non-standard.
     'Next without For'      = Next process has been started without
                                foreplay.
     'Syntax Error'          = Error in chat up line.
     'I/O Error'             = Input-Output is too slow.
     'Unknown Procedure'     = The process is non-standard but fun.
     'No Such Line'          = Chat up line has gone down.
     'Out of Memory'         = You had too much to drink last night.
     'Illegal Input'         = 3 fingers are quite enough.
     'Undefined Variable'    = Decide how much you are going to pay.
     'Identifier not Used'   = Don't give her your name.
     'Do without Loop'       = At least do it twice.
     'Inserted ; '           = Only with users permission bit set.
     'Insufficient data'     = "Oh yeah, I've taken precautions."
     'Your party is not
       responding'           = Unsuccessful strip-poker request call.
     'Access Denied'         = Chastity bit set.
     'Unknown Host Name'     = "Whose party is it?"
     'Output Only'           = don't try anal sex
     'Can't Access Floppy'   = "Where the hell is it!"
     'Server Not Responding' = Either too much drink or impotent.
     'Too many Arguments'    = Don't try talking to partner.
     'Peripheral in Use'     = Remove chewing-gum before administering
                                blowjob.
     'Bad Baud Rate'         = Use your imagination or she'll get bored.
     'Copy is Unreadable'    = Porno-mags are not for reading.
     'Already Open'          = Just undo the button and off they come.
     'Process Timed Out'     = Premature ejaculation has occurred.
     'Out of Range'          = Her husband is in London.
     'Unmatched ('           = Boobs are of different sizes.
     'Permission Denied'     = I told you not to try anal sex.
     'No repeat'             = Not tonight darling, I'm too tired.
     'Source is Protected'   = Very sensible, always keep one with you.
     'Invalid Entry'         = Don't take advantage of disabled people.
     'CPU down'              = Had to happen sooner or later.
     'Connection closed by
       foreign host'         = Husband arrival.
     'Illegal Direct'        = "hi babe, wanna fuck" is not implemented.
     'Can't Read'            = People want intellectuals these days.
     'Begin Without End'     = Not likely to occur.
     'only 3 connections
       allowed'              = Stop being greedy!
     'bad track'             = told u not to do it to Des O'Connor!
     'write protected'       = its ok, she's had the op.
     'cannot open'           = her knees are surgically joined.
     'file already open'     = she's a slut.
     'no manual entry'       = switch to auto pilot.
     'no such process'       = forget it, its impossible.
     '65 bytes free'         = after this, bites cost 10p each.
     'no command'            = she knows what you want.
     'your party has
       logged out'           = you were too long at the pharmacist.
     'RTFM error'            = see karma sutra.
     'mistake'               = yup, thats her asshole!
     'no device specified'   = which vibrator do you want?
     'no such device'        = if device no. > 15"
     'Stopped'               = Doorbell activated.
     'Stopped by operator'   = Phone rings.
     'Interrupt'             = son arrives at location.
     'dlog file exists'      = you logged out before ejaculation.
     'missing end statement' = she had gone when you awoke.
     'missing bit'           = Jewish operator.

SEX PASCAL  v.69

ERRORS

     'Hex number too large'  = The last time I saw one that big it was
                                hanging under a donkey.
     'Variable too big
       for memory'           = It's so big, it won't fit!
     'BEGIN expected'        = She's got her clothes off and ready.
     'Too many procedures'   = The foreplay's gone on long enough.
     'DO expected'           = "Come on, do it to me!"
     'Label not declared'    = What brand of condoms have you got?
     'END expected'          = "Please stop, I've had enough!"
     'Too many digits'       = You can't put your whole hand up.
     'Premature end of file' = It went limp before the climax.
     'Too many devices'      = Which vibrator shall I choose from?
     'Variant device'        = I'll choose this one - it's got
                                thrusting action.
     'Tag type mismatch'     = The condom's too big.
     'Real device expected'  = I don't want a vibrator - I need the
                                real thing.
     'Can't read this type'  = I've lost my glasses and cannot read
                                the small writing on this sex manual.
     'Too many dimensions    
       for translator'       = I'm having problems translating page 47
                                of the kama sutra into Serbo Croat.
     'Digit expected'        = Get your magic fingers working on my
                                erogenous zones!
     'ID table overflow'     = I told you not to do it on the table
                                where it would overflow onto the carpet.
     'Too many nested        
       records'              = There's so many Des O'Connor records on
                               that shelf that it's put me off the job.

FATAL ERROR

     'Premature termination' = she had an epileptic fit while giving
                                blowjob of parameter.

DEMONSTRATION PROGRAM

   Program Sex (input,output,input,output,input,output,input,output);
   var
      condom,up,down : boolean;
   Procedure up_and_down;
    begin
      if up=true then
       down
      else
       up
    end;
    begin
      repeat
       read(condom);
      until (condom=true)
      repeat
       up_and_down;
      until climax
    end.

If you are a bit kinky then the following procedure may be implemented

   Procedure foreplay;
    begin
      read(choice);
      case choice of
       1 : Strawberry Yogurt;
       2 : Baked Beans;
       3 : Ice Cream;
       4 : Vaseline;
      endcase
    end.












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