YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN....

*You don't sweat, you percolate.
*Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans. *When someone says, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop.". *You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison. *Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London. *Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. *You ski uphill.
*You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. *You speed-walk in your sleep.
*You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. *You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. *You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. *You sleep with your eyes open.
*You have to watch videos in fast-forward. *The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. *You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
*You lick your coffeepot clean.
*You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House. *Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
*You chew on other people's fingernails. *The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. *You can type 60 words per minute with your feet. *You can jump-start your car without cables. *All your kids are named "Joe."
*You don't need a hammer to pound in nails. *Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low." *You buy milk by the barrel.
*You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug. *You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. *You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. *Chuck Yeager thinks you need to calm down. *You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. *People get dizzy just watching you.
*You've worn the finish off your coffee table. *The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. *Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. *Your taste buds are so numb, you could drink your lava lamp. *You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. *People can test their batteries in your ears. *Instant coffee takes too long.
*You channel surf faster without a remote. *You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. *You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar." *You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson. *Your Thermos is on wheels.
*Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. *You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. *You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
*You short out motion detectors.
*You have a conniption over spilled milk. *You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. *Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. *You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. *You don't tan, you roast.
*You don't get mad, you get steamed.
*You can't even remember your second cup. *You help your dog chase its tail.
*You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. *You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate. *You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation.". *Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.