POLITICAL VIURSES

BILL CLINTON VIRUS
This virus mutates from region to region. We're not exactly sure what it does, but may be taxing to your system.

BILL CLINTON VIRUS - Strain 2
It doubles the files on your hard drive while it states it is decreasing the number of files, increases the cost of your computer, taxes its CPU to maximum capacity, and then uses Quicken to access your bank accounts and deplete your balances.

MONICA LEWINSKY VIRUS
It sucks the juice out of your system, then activates the Independent Counsel viurs.

HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON VIRUS
Files disappear, only to mysteriously reappear a year later in another directory.

INDEPENDENT COUNSEL VIRUS
Most of your system's time and resources are spent looking through your files for nasty secrets.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS (Original version)
Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS - Strain 2
It starts by boldly stating, "Read my text...No new files!" onscreen, proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard disk with new, useless files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.

BARBARA BUSH VIRUS
One of the ugliest viruses we've seen in years, but seems to have a nice disposition and does little damage.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS
Forces your computer to play "PGA Tour" from 10 AM to 4 PM, 6 days a week; plus goes into your spellchecker and updates the word "Potatoe"

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS - Strain 2
Results in the great Shame of Losing Your Mind (as it's namesake) Also crashes systems belonging to unwed mothers!!!

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS - Strain 3
Thers sumthin rong wit yur kompueter, butt ewe jsut cant figyour out watt.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS - Strain 4
Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

AL GORE VIRUS
Not strong enough to act on it's own, but when combined with another virus it hops on a bus and travels around the system.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS
Similar as the Jerry Brown Virus, only nicer fonts are used, and it appears to have a lot more money put into it's development. Unknown effects, but just when you think it's quit... IT'S BACK!

ROSS PEROT VIRUS - Strain 2
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS - Strain 3
After several years, the damage caused by this little virus is still unclear. It often displays impressive graphics which have little relevance to the users interests or needs.

JERRY BROWN VIRUS
Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number. Virtually eliminated.

COLIN POWELL VIRUS
Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything.

PAUL TSONGAS VIRUS
Pops up on December 25th and says, "I'm not Santa Claus." Virtually eliminated.

PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS
Shifts all output to the extreme right of the screen.

PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS - Strain 2
Your system works fine, but complains loudly about foreign software.

RICHARD NIXON VIRUS
A.K.A. the "Tricky Dick Virus." You can wipe it out, but it keeps making a comeback. Choice of China.

RONALD REAGAN VIRUS
It puts your hard drive to sleep, but if detected, claims it doesn't remember being there.

RONALD REAGAN VIRUS - Strain 2
It just sleeps in the background, building up your system's defenses.

NANCY REAGAN VIRUS
It's the driver virus behind the Ronald Reagan Virus; it borrows things from other programs and doesn't give them back.

HUBERT HUMPHREY VIRUS
You never knew it was there till it leaves (and maybe not then.)

JIMMY CARTER VIRUS
When you delete a file, it won't let you run your sporting event game programs for four years.

GERALD FORD VIRUS
Trips up your hard disk and floppies, yet scans will show nothing there to interfere.

TIP O'NEIL VIRUS
It sits in the background, consuming bytes until it's too fat to exit.

DAVID DUKE VIRUS
Makes your screen go completely white. No one takes it too seriously, but it could prove dangerous if spread; or breed.

TED KENNEDY VIRUS
It drives your files into the bitstream, crashes your computer, then denies it ever happened.

WILLIAM KENNEDY SMITH VIRUS
It strips your files, manipulates your data and denies anything ever happened; and gets away with it.

JOHN SUNUNU VIRUS
Affects communication programs, choosing the most expensive times of day to download.

WATERGATE VIRUS
Erases 18 minutes off your tape backup.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS

Overdraws your disk space. No known means of elimination.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS - Strain 2
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS - Strain 3
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS - Strain 4
Tries to have you removed as the rightful owner of the computer, even though everybody else wants you to be the owner.

SUPREME COURT VIRUS
It allows your system to abort files, with major restrictions.

WARREN COMMISSION VIRUS
Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years. It's almost dead.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

GALLUP VIRUS
Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error)

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS
Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

YUGOSLAVIA VIRUS
Immediately fragments into several autonomous parts, then violently tries to reassemble itself for the next 150 years.

MISCELLANEOUS VIRUSES

STAR TREK VIRUS
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

MR. SPOCK VIRUS
You can only access logical files.

X-FILES VIRUS
All your icons start shape-shifting.

TITANIC VIRUS
You get a sinking feeling when your system crashes.

DISNEY VIRUS
Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

MOTHER VIRUS
Generally harmless, but does not allow access to your SVGA graphics; "They're too sharp and could poke an eye out!"

MOTHER-IN-LAW VIRUS
When you try to run a file, a message appears: "You're not good enough to run this program."

THE TEENAGER VIRUS
Your PC stops every few seconds to ask for money.

THE CHILD VIRUS
It constantly does annoying things, but is too cute to get rid of.

ANTI-ROE V. WADE VIRUS
Disables your DEL key. When you finally do delete a file, it protests and splatters red paint on your other files.

RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

HEALTHCARE VIRUS
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4500.

QUANTUM LEAP VIRUS
One day your PC is a laptop, the next day it is a Macintosh, then a Nintendo.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

THE PRISON VIRUS
It locks up your system.

CENSOR'S VIRUS
It decides what you're allowed to run.

AIRLINE VIRUS
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

THE DIET VIRUS
Allows your hard drive to lose weight by eliminating the FAT table.

THE HURRICANE VIRUS
It blows away all your files, then tells you the government will help you rebuild them.

PBS VIRUS
Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

TEXAS VIRUS
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS
Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS
Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.

THE ALTZHEIMERS VIRUS
It makes DOS forget where it put your files.

TEXAS VIRUS
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

WAYCO VIRUS
It convinces your files to stay on the hard drive and not come out until it receives a sign from the almighty; IBM.