WHY BICYCLES ARE BETTER THAN MEN!

• Bicycles don't work late.
• Your Bicycle stays as clean as you want it to.
• Bicycles don't have parents or kids.
• Bicycles don't get sick.
• Bicycles don't get overweight, except as per your convenience.
• If your Bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
• If your Bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
• You can check out the guy who works on your Bicycle.
• If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don't have to apologize before

  you ride it again.

• Your Bicycle always has time for you.
• Bicycles don't complain and don't ride away from you when the road gets rough.
• Bicycles don't watch TV.
• Bicycles don't shave.
• Bicycles don't snore.
• Bicycles don't leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom.
• Bicycles are better protection in a bad neighborhood.

Contributions from: julie@dna.chm.jhu.edu (Julie Johnson):

• If you don't like the size of your bicycle you can get a new one.
• You can try out as many bikes as you like before you get your own.
• You don't have to feed your bicycle.
• Bicycles never argue, you are always right.
• Bicycles never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any reason.
• Bicycles never try to show you off to their friends.
• Bicycles don't come home drunk after a night out with its buddies.
• Bicycles don't sneak around with other bicycles.
• Bicycles don't care what you look like or what your age is.
• Bicycles don't care and don't comment about what you spend your money on.
• Bicycles don't care if you have to work late.
• When you go riding, your bicycle doesn't care if other bicycles are bigger or

  better.

• Bicycles don't care about their performance.

Contributions from: Margaret McGrath <margaret.mcgrath@hrp.no>

• Bicycles don't get you pregnant.
• Bicycles don't have mothers.
• When you've finished a ride, you can get off.
• You don't have to praise a bike after a ride.
• Bicycles don't sulk.
• Bicycles don't bore you.
• Bicycles don't abandon you at gatherings for more interesting riders.
• Bicycles don't have to prove anything.
• Bicycles don't try to change you once you've bought them.
• Bicycles don't get jealous of your male colleagues.
• Bicycles never interrogate you.
• Bicycles don't fart in bed [or elsewhere!].
• Bicycles don't leave smelly inner tubes lying around on the floor.
• Second hand bikes don't brag about previous owners.
• Second hand bikes don't go to see previous owners for a ride when you're

  out of town.

• You don't have to explain to a bike if you don't feel like a ride.
• Bicycles never put you down.
• Bicycles don't complain if you wear "sensible" clothes.
• Bicycles don't have egos.

Contributions from: Claudia Washburn

• Bicycles don't refuse to ask for directions when they're lost.
• Bicycles don't need remote control units.

Contributions from: Peter Davis

• When you're lost you don't have to argue with it about stopping for

  directions.

• When it's going too fast into a curve you can slow it down.
• When you need someone to ride with it's happy to go.
• You buy the tools it needs; it doesn't buy tools that never get used.
• You don't have to explain to it the need for matching jersey and shorts.
• You don't have to continually assure it that its crank length is just right.
• You determine the length and frequency of the rides, and you're always on

  top.

• It never finishes before you do.
• It doesn't complain about you going out to dinner with your women friends

  rather than staying at home with it.

• You never get helpful suggestions from its mother.
• It will ride with you even on Super Bowl Sunday.
• It never complains if you put on a few pounds.
• When its dysfunctional you know how to get it fixed (and know that it

  can be fixed).

• If you decide to get a new bicycle you don't have to give up more than

  half of everything you have.

• It will never earn more that you do for the same job just because it's a

  bicycle.

• It never spends a "night out with the bikes" and comes home with a

  strange rash on its saddle.

• It will never turn into a beer bellied blob of metal on the couch in

  front of the TV.