NEW VARIATIONS OF BARBIE
 =========================



Trans-gender Barbie: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.
 
 Homegirl Barbie: Truly a fly Barbie in midriff-bearing shirt 
 and baggy jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories 
 and plenty of attitude. Pull cord and says things like 
 "I don't think so," "Dang, get outta my face," and "You go, 
 girl."  Teaches girls not to take crap from men.
 
 Robotic Barbie: Hey, kids, experiment with an autonomous 
 two-legged walking machine! After falling over she says 
 "Control theory is hard. Damn these spike heels anyway!"
 
 Sister Mary Barbie: This spiritual Barbie comes with jointed 
 knees and neck  for genuflecting and praying, mini rosary 
 beads, a mini bible and a black  sequined nun's habit 
 (after all, she's still Barbie). Pull the string on her back 
 and she says nothing because she has taken a vow of silence.
 
 Rabbi Barbie: So, why not? Women rabbis are on the cutting 
 edge in Judaism.  Rabbi Barbie comes with tiny satin yarmulke, 
 prayer shawl, teffilin, silver kiddush cup, Torah scrolls. 
 Optional: tiny mezuzah for doorway of Barbie Townhouse.
 
 Administrator Barbie: Works twenty hour days for little pay 
 (80% of Administrator Ken's salary), and is the lowest on the 
 totem pole despite being the one that actually runs the group. 
 Comes with mini laptop. Pull the string on her back and she'll 
 schedule a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner 
 cartridge in the laser printer, coordinate a reorganization 
 and a move, and order airline tickets for Administrator Ken.
 
 Temp Barbie: This smartly dressed, intelligent, hardworking 
 and enthusiastic Barbie is ready to go right out of the box, 
 but usually goes untouched for at least a day while everyone 
 tries to figure out why they bought her. Pull the string on 
 her back and she'll stuff envelopes indefinitely, all the
 while wondering why she got a liberal arts degree.  Comes 
 with mini resume and mini filing cabinet filled with the 
 past five years worth of US Tax Code revisions which need to 
 be collated.
 
 Ripped-Off-In-The-Divorce-Settlement Barbie: Pull the string 
 on her back and she unloads a torrent of insults and death 
 threats for her ex's new wife. Comes with a hatred for all 
 men, and a Malibu Barbie tan (except for a white band on the 
 ring finger of her left hand).
 
 Twelve-Step Barbie: Pull the string on her back and she says, 
 "Hi, I'm Barbie and I'm an alcoholic." comes with a "One Day 
 at a Time" bumper sticker, a 30-day chip and a pack of smokes.
 
 Birkenstock Barbie: Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal 
 feet and comfortable, if ugly, sandals. Made from recycled 
 materials.
 
 Bite-The-Bullet Barbie: An anthropologist Barbie with pith 
 helmet, camera, detachable limbs, fake blood and the ability 
 to perform surgery on herself in the Outback.
 
 Blue Collar Barbie: Comes with overalls, protective goggles, 
 lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and 
 pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits 
 and cashier's aprons may be purchased separately for Barbie's 
 who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.
 
 Dinner Roll Barbie: A Barbie with multiple love handles, 
 double chin, a real curvy belly, and voluminous thighs to 
 show girls that voluptuousness is also beautiful. Comes with 
 a miniature basket of dinner rolls, bucket o'fried chicken, 
 tiny Entenmann's walnut ring, a brick of Breyer's ice cream,
 three bags of potato chips, a T-shirt reading "Only the Weak 
 Don't Eat", and, of course, an appetite.
 
 Mobile Home Park Barbie: Comes complete with hair in rollers 
 and pregnant. Accessories include two toddlers. When you pull 
 the string on her back she asks where her government support 
 check is. Some Mobile Home Barbies come with surprise Ken or 
 G.I. Joe since they often give her surprise visits when they 
 come into town.












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