THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A SMALL PENIS

*  "I've smoked fatter joints than that."
*  "Ahh, it's cute."
*  "I'm sorry."
* "Who circumcised you?"
*  "Why don't we just cuddle?"
*  "You know they have surgery to fix that."
*  "It's more fun to look at."
*  "Make it dance."
*  "You know... there's a tower in Italy like that."
*  "Wow, and your feet are so big."
*  "My last boyfriend was 4" bigger."
*  "It's OK, we'll work around it."
*  "Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?"
*  "Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh."
*  (giggle and point)
*  "Can I be honest with you?"
*  "My 8-year-old brother has one like that."
*  "Let me go get my tweezers."
*  "How sweet, you brought incense."
*  "This explains your car."
*  "Maybe if we water it, it'll grow."
*  "Thanks, I needed a toothpick."
*  "Are you one of those pygmies?"
*  "Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?"
*  "All right, a treasure hunt!"
*  "I didn't know they came that small."
*  "Why is God punishing you (or ME for that matter)?"
*  "At least this won't take long."
*  "Let's just stick with your hand."
*  "Do you need a splint to prop that up."
*  "How interesting..."
* "I never saw one like that before."
*  "But it still works right?"
*  "Do you take steroids?"
*  "I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick."
*  "Maybe it looks better in natural light."
*  "I think there's a dildo around here somewhere."
*  "Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?"
*  "Let me know when you're done."
*  "Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident."
*  "Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?"
*  "Aww, it's hiding."
*  "Are you cold?"
*  "Is that an optical illusion?"
*  "What is that?"
*  "Does this run in your family?"
*  "I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry."
*  "Were you neutered?"
*  "It's a good thing you have so many other talents."
*  "Does it come with an air pump?"
*  "So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality."
*  "Where are the puppet strings?"
*  "Deep throat? I doubt it'll reach my tongue!"
*  "Your big gun is more like a BB gun."
*  "Can you get this pencil out of me now?"
*  "Do I hang my hat on it?"
*  "Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!"
*  "Don't hold back."
*  "Nevermind, why bother?"

THINGS TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A HUGE PENIS:

*  "Am I dreaming?"
*  "Can I keep you?"
*  Get down on your knees, look heavenward and say, "Thank you God"
*  And the most vital thing to say to a man with a huge penis, "I DO!"