WHAT MY DADDY TOLD ME

Daddy told me long ago,
"Son, don't play with your dick.
Your teeth will rot, your nose will grow,
It's sure to make you sick."

"Your palms will get all hairy,
Or so I've heard it said.
You'll grow up to be a fairy
Just like your uncle Ned."

"Your bones will crack, your skin will crawl
Your back will always ache.
You won't grow more than four feet tall.
Your knees will start to shake."

"Your tongue will get all mushy,
Your hair will all turn green,
And then you'll lose your tushy
Before you turn thirteen."

"Your ears will flop, your eyes will cross,
Your crotch will start to smell.
Your brain will turn to applesauce.
You'll die and go to hell."

"And if they ask me how you died,
I'll tell them you were sick.
But in my heart I'll know I lied.
It's 'cause you pulled your prick!"

Daddy went to work this morn
And Mommy's in the kitchen.
I think I'll get out Daddy's porn
And give myself a twitchin'.