THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH

- "Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew."

- "I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time."

- "Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf."

- "I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists."

- "I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class."

- "Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do."

- "I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!"

- "Since we're all here, let's start the service early."

- "Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas."

- "Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!"