WAYS TO SURVIVE EVEN THE DULLEST OF SERMONS

* Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.

* See if a yawn really is contagious.

* Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the priest.

* Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs.

* Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so on through the alphabet. You may get stuck on 'Q' and 'X' though...

* Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front.

* Using church notice-sheets or newcomers cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.

* Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.

* Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the lavatory.

* Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn.

* If the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles.

* Pretend to be 4 years old.

* Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone.

* By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn you shirt inside out.

* Try to raise one eyebrow.

* Crack your knuckles.

* Think about your chin for an entire minute.

* Twiddle your thumbs.

* Twiddle your neighbors thumbs.

* Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice.

* Practice smiling insincerely.