RULES FOR YANKEES WHO MOVE TO THE SOUTH

- Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know.

- Don't laugh at folk's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy, MariBeth and Inez have been known to whip a man's ass for less than that.

- Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a beating. Down here it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.

- Southern women don't fancy to smart mouth Yankees. Just remember, they all have brothers and daddies.

- Don't show allegiances to any other school in football other than an ACC or SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who play Wyoming every week.

- Don't call us a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are better educated than you and a whole lot nicer to boot.

- Yes, we know the humidity is high; just quit bitching, spend your money and go home.

- No, the state symbol of North Carolina is not the orange and white highway barrel. This road construction is pissing us off too.

- Don't go to the Cracker Barrel and order toast. If you do this everyone will know you're from Ohio. Just eat the biscuits like God meant for you to do.

- Don't try to talk with a Southern accent if you don't have one. Nothing makes us madder than a Southern wannabe.

- Don't be telling everybody how much better it was back home. If you don't like it here, get your sorry ass back home!

- We don't play lacrosse or none of them other sissy northern games, so don't be asking about no scores, cause we just don't care.

- Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

- If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being right.

- Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

- If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic.  Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them.  Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

- Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

- Do not buy food at the movie store.

- If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

- Remember:  "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

- Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

- People walk slower here.

- Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

- The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy".  Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression.  One hundred percent are in denial about it.

- The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

- Be advised:  The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.