SOUTHERN COMMENTS
(A Yankee must have written this)

Exclamations:
- "Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
- "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

Threats:
- "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
- "This'll jar your preserves."
- "Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

Good Things/Compliments:
- "Cute as a sack full of puppies."
- "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
- "Gooder than grits."

The Weather:
- "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
- "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
- Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

Descriptions:
- A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
- When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
- If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
- "He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."
- A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."

Insults:
- "She's uglier than homemade soap."
- "Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'"
- "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
- "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
- "The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"
- Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart." Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."