THE REDNECK OLYMPICS

10. Doves released during opening ceremonies are promptly shot by the crowd and sold as concession snacks.

9. In an amazing coincidence, every proposed Olympic venue turns out to be owned by the Governor.

8. The big event is the 100m Sisterchase.

7. Instead of shooting at boring targets, archers take aim at muskrats and ATF agents.

6. Urine drug test transformed into "Distance Pissin Competition."

5. Olympic Village replaced with Olympic Trailer Park.

4. Awards of gold, silver and bronze medals replaced by award of gold, silver, and bronze teeth.

3. Opening Ceremony is a Skynyrd tape and a trunk full of bottle rockets.

2. Hometown favorites falter in gymnastics competitions due to all them extra toes.

1. Two words: Billy Bobsledding.