SIGNS YOUR COMPANY IS PLANNING A LAYOFF

- The CEO is frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe."

- Dr. Kevorkian hired as "Transition Consultant."

- Windows 98 shutdown screen reads, "It's Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."

- Company softball team down-sized to chess team.

- Sudden proliferation of teen-age geek interns.

- Your boss keeps asking you when he can "show your cubicle."

- Company president now driving a Yugo.

- Annual company holiday bash moved from Sheraton banquet room to abandoned Fotomat booth.

- Old Milwaukee is beer of choice at company picnics.

- Guard at front desk nervously fingers his revolver whenever you pass by.

- Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.

- Babes in Marketing suddenly start flirting with dorky personnel manager.

- Employee Discount Days discontinued at Ammo Outlet.

- Company dental plan now consists of pliers and string.