BILL'S QUESTIONS FOR THE NEW WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY

* "Does cigar smoke bother you?"

* "How many lies per minute can you type?"

* "You wouldn't ask a lot of questions if the President had to hide a girl in your podium, would you?"

* "How long can you stare at Sam Donaldson without giggling at his hairpiece?"

* "Are you willing to work for Al Gore in a few months?"

* "Please state, in 100 words or more, absolutely nothing."

* "Would you talk on the phone with the President while he's 'otherwise engaged'?"

* "Do you give your word that you will do your best -- just kidding, like someone's word means anything around here."

* "Would you mind having sex with Hillary once in a while?"

* "Is your wife cute?"