SIGNS YOUR PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE IS UNDER-QUALIFIED

- Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.

- Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing."

- His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy."

- Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares.

- Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers with a chocolate donut.

- Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC thingie?"

- At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna wrestle?!?"

- Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.

- Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, "I win!"

- On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a LIFELINE.