SIGNS THAT YOU SUFFER "ROAD RAGE"

* For lack of a more effective weapon, you find yourself threatening other drivers with the cigarette lighter.

* You exchange your Uzi with laser sighting for a "more serious weapon."

* You've stopped wearing pants in the car to make it easier to moon tailgaters.

* Local Crips now have a hand signal for "Get Off The Road, That Psycho's Coming!"

* On your license, under "restrictions", it says, "Valium Required."

* That Yugo hood ornament on your 4X4 is not *actually* an ornament.

* The only thing that calms you down is your trusty Megadeth CD.

* The need to wring Dr. Laura Schlessinger's neck is just a bit more urgent than usual.

* You swear more before you get to work than most gangsta rappers do all day.

* You threaten to run over the person in front of you, even though you're in line for communion.

* The car's a year old, but you're already on your fifth horn.

* Your saw blades don't work, your voice is out of sync with your mouth, and Speed Racer has just beaten you in another race.

* You've traded your plastic statue of St. Christopher for one of A.C. Cowlings.

* You'd flash your brights at that slow dumbass Jacob ahead of you if your buggy only had headlights.

* You've plowed more pedestrians than Wilt Chamberlain.