NIPPLE RINGS

Reasons nipple rings are a GOOD idea:

* You gain a new and much higher threshold for pain.

* You have more than just your purse to keep from losing your car keys.

* With a little body English and a short copper wire, you can pick up pay-per-view if the weather is right.

* You can now jump car batteries without cables.

* With only a spinning table and spot light you can earn extra cash renting yourself out to Club parties.

* Those nasty stretch marks are no longer the center of attention for your husband or boyfriend.

* You always have a ready replacement if you lose your wedding ring.

* Every elf in the universe is now your loyal friend for life.

* Hanging "ten" is child’s play. Hanging "by two"?? Now that’s impressive!

* Hard vibrators can be "way more" than a girl's best friend.

Reasons nipple rings are a BAD idea:

* Perpetual delays at airport security scanners.

* Potential law suits from elderly people with pacemakers.

* A friend asks to see your "ring" and in a blonde moment you almost do it.

* For some reason, combs will seem like threats.

* Mud wrestling as an occupation is no longer an option.

* Cats and babies are attracted to shiny things.

* You'll now have to deal with Velcro nightmares.

* The aging process has taken on a whole new meaning.

* Skinny dipping is a real challenge because of your artificial lures.

* Lightning... it's not just something that happens to other people anymore.