HOW TO HANDLE STRESS

* Drive to work in reverse.

* Dance naked in front of your pets.

* Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill.

* Make a list of things you have already done.

* Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

* Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.

* Bill your doctor for the time you spent in his waiting room.

* Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.

* Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.

* When someone says "Have a nice day!" tell them you have other plans.

* Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it gets back to you.

* Go shopping and buy everything. Sweat in them. Return them the next day.

* Thumb through the National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.

* Put your toddlers clothes on backward and send her off to preschool as if nothing is wrong.

* Get a box of condoms then wait in line at the checkout counter and ask a cashier where the fitting rooms are.

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

* Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.

* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "Where are your tampons?"

* Try on bras over top of your clothes.

* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restroom.

* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible I" smell sex and candy!"

* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

* Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."

* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

* Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

* Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

* Put M&M's on layaway.

* Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

* Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

* Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

* Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

* Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

* While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

* Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restroom.

* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

* Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

* In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

* Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "Pick me!! Pick me!!" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.

* When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

* Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

* Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

* Go into the dressing room and yell real loud..."Hey, were out of toilet paper in here!"