BEST REASONS FOR NOT EXERCISING

1) My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is.

2) The only reason to take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

3) I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

4) I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

5) If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

6) I like long walks, but only when they are taken by people who annoy me.

7) I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8) The only advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

9) When trying cross-country skiing, better start with a small country.

10) Jogging makes the ice jump right out of my glass.