THE NUT SHOP

A tongue-tied man goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen in his life. The tongue-tied guy quickly turns his attention to the merchandise, and asks... "Ess-tues me ser?"

"Yes sir," replied the clerk.

"Tould you tale me how mutsh youre pisstasheos arr?"

"Pistachio's? They're six dollars a pound."

"SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing, and then asks, "Welp, how mutsh arr youre aahhmons?"

"Almonds? They're seven fifty a pound."

"SSIT!" replied the tongue-tied man. "Welp, how bout youre pikanns?"

"Pecans? They're on sale today...they're only four fifty a pound."

"Welp...SSit...just div me a poulnd of dose dhen."

"Alrighty then," says the clerk, and begins bagging up a pound of pecans.

Then the tongue-tied guy says to the clerk, "Sirr, I just wana tay tank you fo not maken phun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't hep it."

The clerk replies with a smile, "Oh sir, you don't have to thank me for that. I don't make fun of anybody, for anything. I don't know if you noticed or not, but I have a rather large nose."

The tongue-tied guy replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz your dick cauz your nutz arr so damn high!"