MANLINESS ASSESSMENT

Please take the following Manliness Assessment.....

1) In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

a. lovemaking
b. screwing
c. the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2) You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

a. your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b. your blood-test results
c. five tequila slammers

3) You time your orgasm so that:

a. your partner climaxes first
b. you both climax simultaneously
c. you don't miss SportsCenter

4) Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

a. healthy, creative love-play
b. not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c. not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

5) Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

a. the best part of the experience
b. the second best part of the experience
c. $100 extra

6) Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

a. no concern of yours
b. not a problem, she can join your gym
c. a conservative estimate

7) You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

a. a myth
b. an oxymoron
c. a moron

8) Foreplay is to sex as:

a. appetizer is to entree
b. primer is to paint
c. a line is to an amusement park ride

9) Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship:

a. "I hope we can still be friends"
b. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep"
c. "Welcome to Dumpsville; population, YOU."

10) A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

a. probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
b. is uptight and a waste of time
c. shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

Evaluating the results:

If you answered "a" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.

If you answered "b" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're more than a little confused.

If you answered "c" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"