THE HONEYMOON ADVICE

Being a virgin, Bob was very nervous about his upcoming wedding night, so he decided to seek the advice of his friend John, who was quite the local Romeo. "Just relax, Bob," counseled John. "After all, you grew up on a farm, just do like the dogs do."

Right after the honeymoon the bride stormed over to her mother's house in tears and announced that she wasn't going to live under the same roof as Bob for even one more night.

"He's totally disgusting!" she wailed.

At first Bob's bride resisted her mother's attempts to find out the exact nature of the problem, but finally broke down. "Ma, he doesn't know anything at all about how to be romantic, how to make love . . . He just keeps smelling my ass and pissing on the bedpost!"