SIGNS SHE IS GETTING BORED HAVING SEX WITH YOU

* After you request sex she replies, "Wait 'til the Nyquil kicks in."

* Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass.

* Actually answers when you ask, "Who's your daddy?"

* Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire.

* Only moans during commercial breaks.

* Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.

* Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.

* Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.

* You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show.

* Beginning to think she is only "playing" dead.

* During the act, she actually yelled out, "Oh, Baby, Yadda, Yadda, Yadda."

* Has suddenly started making you pay in advance.

* Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a .wav file.

* Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too.

* Keeps asking, "Are you sure you're not gay?"

* Boredom? So that's why she keeps deflating.

* Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along.

* Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better.

* She yells out her own name.

* Bangs her head on the headboard before you begin.