GENTLEMAN'S LETTER OF APOLOGY

Dear Mr., Mrs., or Ms.,

Please forgive my behavior at the party last night. I know my actions were terrible, and I beg you to excuse me. Please check all that apply.

Mr. _______ regrets exceedingly his deplorable conduct while a guest at your party on _______ and begs forgiveness for the breach(es) of etiquette checked below.

__Spilling Drink

__Picking Nose at Table

__Scratching Nuts With Salad Fork

__Indiscriminate Spitting

__Complete Loss of Equilibrium

__Indiscriminate Goosing

__Inspecting Hosiery

__Belching

__Passing Out

__Failure to Zip Up Pants

__Hunting Female Navel

__Frequent and Prolonged Absence From Party

__Pissing in Sink

__Taking Off Pants

__Gut Rumbling

__Unfastening Bras on Various Ladies

__Loud Farting

__Biting Tits of Various Females

__Pissing in the punch bowl

__Fondling the breast of the hostess or guests

__Disappearing for extended periods of time with someone else's wife.

__Scratching nuts with pickle fork

__Unrestrained farting

__Throwing up in the fish tank

__Using my dick to stir my drink

__Using my dick to stir someone else's drink

__Exposing my private parts

__Exposing someone else's private parts

__ALL OF THE ABOVE