TRAVEL TIPS

Helpful Hints for the Inexperienced Traveler:

- Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase "Free Ammo."

- Consider carefully before visiting a country where the license plate motto is Die American Pig.

* There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare.

* If you find yourself in Iran, do not use the word blanket head.

* On a trip to Canada, your travel agent should not charge you for an interpreter.

* While in the Vatican, do not refer to St. Peter as "Petey-Boy."

* Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars.

* Avoid any Latin American Tour named Bay of Pigs, Two.

* In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.

* Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military uniforms.