REASONS FOR BEING IRISH

- Guinness.

- 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.

- You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.

- Pubs never close.

- Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend you can't have sex with a condom on.

- You've blown up the Queen's horses!

- Old Bushmills.

- Stew.

- More Guiness.

- Eating stew and drinking Guiness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.