FAT CHANCE!

A young handyman died and was sent up to the pearly gates.  But the guard at the gate said he couldn't allow him into Heaven and sent him down to Hell. 

He was accepted into Hell, but he found it to be rather uncomfortable, so he decided to make some improvements.  Among other things, he put in air conditioners and flush toilets.  Soon, everything in Hell was becoming quite pleasant.

One day God called the Devil on the phone.  In quite an obnoxious tone he said,  "So, how are things down there in Hell?"  And the Devil replied,  "Actually quite nice.  We have made many improvements down here."  The Devil went on to explain all of the changes that had been made in Hell, thanks to the young man.

God said to the Devil,  "Wait a second...How did you get a handyman? They are supposed to be accepted into heaven.  We want him back."

The devil replied,  "You can't have him."

God then said,  "Well, we're going to sue."

And the Devil replied,  "Yeah... Like you could get a lawyer!"