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SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT NEED A DIFFERENT LAWYER
* During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy. * Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot. * He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger. * He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table. * He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..." * He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra. * Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?" * Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers. * The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM." * Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever." * He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs." * Opening argument in which he called the prosecutor a "Doo-Doo Head" could hurt your case. * Tries to cheer you up by saying how great you look in orange. * Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code. * Keeps trying to call a witness named "Johnny, the Trouser Troll." * The only question he can come up with during cross-examination is, "Isn't it true that you're a lying bastard?" * Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury. * Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!" * Instead of saying, "Your honor, I object," he now just rolls his eyes and says, "Whatever." * Claims staring at your cleavage is a necessary part of the "discovery" processes. * Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties. * You met him in prison. * During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. * He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser. * When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. * He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose." * He tells you that he's never told a lie. * He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger." * A prison guard is shaving your head.
 
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