ONLY CRAYON

Coming out of the shower I grab a towel and begin to dry my face. Something smells funny so I pull the towel off to investigate. Staring me in the face is a long, thick brown streak. My heart skips a beat as I realize I've just dried my face in somebody's fecal matter. Further examination reveals brown spots all over the towel.

Completely grossed out I jump back into the shower and scrub three layers of skin off my face.

After I've finished I go downstairs, towel in hand, to ask my wife how this could happen. How could she allow the girls the freedom to wipe their asses in the towels?

"Oh," she said, "that's not poop. There was a brown crayon in the dryer and it melted all over the towels."

"What?" I stammer as relief floods over me. But then relief turns to irritation. "Why didn't you rewash them? Did you want to give me a heart attack? I just scrubbed five pounds of flesh off my face thinking it was shit!"

"No, I just didn't want to waste a wash cycle washing clean stuff."

"But, honey," I say slowly so she could understand, "it ain't clean!"

"Oh, you big baby, it's only crayon."

It's only crayon... I tell you, I wasn't even drinking but I nearly got shit faced!