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ODE TO BEER
When I read about the evils of drinking, I
gave up reading. I feel sorry for people who don't drink.
When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. Always do sober what you said you'd do
drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. You're not drunk if you can lie on the
floor without holding on. When we drink, we get drunk. When we get
drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go
to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven... Time is never wasted when you're wasted all
the time. Without question the greatest invention in
the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but a
wheel does not go as well with pizza. Candy is dandy but, liquor is quicker. He was a wise man who invented beer. Work is the curse of the drinking class. Beer is proof that G-d loves us and wants
us to be happy. If you ever reach total enlightenment while
drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. Without question, the greatest invention in
the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,
but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. People who drink light "beer"
don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. Give me a woman who loves beer and I will
conquer the world. Not all chemicals are bad. Without
chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a
vital ingredient in beer. I drink to make other people interesting. They who drink beer will think beer. All right, brain, I don't like you and you
don't like me so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even
have the decency to thank her.
 
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