SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A DRUNK

* You fall asleep taking a dump.

* You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.

* Beer ads make sense.

* You wake up in the gutter, spit our several broken teeth, haul yourself to your feet, rush yourself off, and think, "Shit, this is no way for a Bishop to behave..."

* You explain to your bank manager that you spent your overdraft mainly on beer and women; the rest you just wasted.

* When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.

* You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect.