5 STAGES OF
DRUNKENNESS
Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You
know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At
this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very
WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that
people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really
want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person
about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for
the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You
can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you
win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cause you are RICH. You will also
buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the
world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you
have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can
also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits
or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and
hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE
CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of
the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to
fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one
can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
