THERMOMETER

At her annual checkup, the attractive young woman is told by the doctor that it's necessary to take her temperature rectally. She agrees, but a few minutes later says indignantly, "Doctor, that's not my rectum!"

"Madam," says the doctor, "That's not my thermometer."

Just then the woman's husband, who's come to pick her up, comes into the room. "Just what the hell is going on here!?" he demands.

"I'm taking your wife's temperature," the doctor coolly explains.

"Okay, doctor," says the husband, "But that thing better have numbers on it."