MEDICAL TRUTHS

- The patient furthest away from the nurses' station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses' station.

- You always remember "just one more thing" you need after you've gowned, gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room.

- The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.

- When you cancel extra staff because it's so quiet, you are guaranteed a rash of admissions.

- If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on. Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand new shoes.

- There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

- When management smiles at you, be afraid, very afraid ...

- Staffing will gladly send you three aides--but you have to float two of your RNs.

- As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered.

- Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you've had the night from hell and just want to go home to bed.

- You always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room. You always remember when you get back to the other end ...

- Doctors only ask your name when the patient isn't doing well.

- Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the boss is watching.

- The more sophisticated the equipment, the longer it takes to get repaired.

- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

- As soon as you've ordered the pizzas, 25 patients show up at the ER registration desk along with three ambulances all with cardiac arrests!