I DON'T WANT TO BE A DOCTOR BECAUSE...

If I were a pathologist I'd be in a dead end job.

If I were a biologist I'd be in jeans all the time.

Anesthesiology would put me to sleep.

Cell specialists are too cultured for my taste.

I can't stand podiatry.

I can't see myself as an ophthalmologist.

I'm too old to be a gerontologist.

I would have to be crazy to become a psychiatrist.

But a friend told me that ontology would grow on me.

I'm told pediatrics is child's play!

I haven't got the heart to be a cardiologist.

And they'd see right through me if I went into radiology.

And I really couldn't face it if I were a dermatologist.

I haven't got the spine to be a chiropractor.

I'm not cut out to be a surgeon.

If I weren't such a baby, I'd become a gynecologist.

It's been drilled into me that I should be a dentist.

I'd rather be a plumber than a urologist.

If I were a proctologist, I'd have to look at assholes all day.