SIGNS YOU MAY BE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION

* You've got enough Prozac in your purse to tranquilize King Kong.

* You really lose it whenever someone says, "Good morning."

* You spend more time in bed than a hooker at a Shriners convention.

* You keep your house so dark that mushrooms are growing in the carpet.

* Given a choice, you'd have no preference between sex or a root canal.

* On a really bad day, you wouldn't come to the door if it was Publishers Clearing House.

* You list Dr. Kevorkian as a character reference.

* Alcohol gives you strength and food settles your nerves.

* Your hands shake so badly that you can brush your teeth without any voluntary movement.

* You've cried so much that your contacts have rusted to your eyeballs.