THE E-MAIL ADDICT

My hand tightly grips the mouse,
I sit here in blank silence.
I haven't gotten an E-mail in 5 days,
Soon I'll resort to violence.

The vein in my forehead
Is popping out for miles.
My chair worn away by shaking.
I sit on the floor tiles.

I stare at my inbox
Praying for some mail.
I've lived on Doritos and beer,
Brain's as slow as a snail.

10 purple blood blisters
Thrive on all my fingers.
Before, my inbox flowed.
Now none is all that lingers.

It's 12:46 at night,
But I'm far from being tired.
I better get some mail,
Before my brain gets wired!

Oh look! I've got a message
From someone named "CareBear."
It has no subject, no words, no point,
But God, I'm glad it's there!

I can finally go to bed
After hours of endless waiting.
Maybe I can restart my social life.
Maybe now I can start dating!

After all, I've been sitting here
Since 1982.
But since I've never seen sunlight,
It might be hard to do.

I wonder why no one
Had sent me something before?
I guess it's cuz I haven't talked
Since 1984!

Have I wasted my life?
Should I have gotten a job?
I've taken advantage of myself.
Now I'm but a gob

Of fat, lazy, unhealthy waste
Sitting in a pit.
I can't think for myself.
I need a computer to do it.

If someone told me to do something else
Would I have said "yeah"?
Have I made the wrong decision?
NAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!