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CAT DIARY

Copyright 1999 Mark Mason: All Rights Reserved
For subscription & permission to reprint: http://members.aol.com/catdiary/home/index.htm

 

I heard the big owner on the radio with ways to talk about humans and still be politically correct. Well, here's: "HOW TO TALK ABOUT CATS & STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT."

I'm not aloof. I am Hominoidally Unimpressed.

I don't shed. I develop Follicle Abdication.

I don't scratch. I cause temporary hemoglobin displacement.

I don't purr. I am aurally appreciative.

I am not indifferent. I am Dispassionately Neutral.

I'm not small. I am Corpus Compactus.

I am not fat. I have a Distended Cat Food Storage Facility.

I am not asleep. I am temporarily inert.

I don't chase mice. I am Rodent Defiant.

I am not fussy. I become a Fastidious Feline.

I am not hungry. I suffer from Craving Derangement Disorder.

I'm not fixed. I am Romantically Inaccessible.

The Big Owner isn't dumb. He is a Speed Bump on the Information Superhighway.

 

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