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* The sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE!" * You tell your dog to sit, and he backs up until he finds a chair. * It takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets. * You walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are. * You can carry on a conversation with a dog's muzzle firmly in your crotch. * You own a dog capable of pulling someone from a port-a-potty. * You carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle. * You keep at least one color-coded "drool towel" in every room of your house. * After banishing your husband, the snoring in your bedroom still keeps you awake. * You are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact statement done on your dog. * Visitors enter the house holding their privates protectively. * You toss your dog a ball and cringe when he almost hits his head on the top of the doorway. * You take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm, causing you to make random right turns. * You have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub. * Your two dogs decide to play in the house, and they end up pulling the ceiling fan down, for the second time. * You have to move over when brushing your teeth because your dog wants a drink. * You show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first person you point out is your dog. * While stopped at a stop light, everyone stares as your car rocks back and forth because the dog is panting out the window. * You go to vacuum your car and most of the fur is up there on the ceiling. * You've learned to force a smile when asked "do you have a saddle for that thing?" * The monthly dog budget exceeds your home mortgage payment. * Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a large home, buy jet skis and a vacation home in Florida. * You have had to train your dog not to lick dishes, and the dishes are in the sink. * The donuts you put on top of the refrigerator are gone when you get home and your dog has powdered sugar on his nose. * Your dog can see what you're cooking and he tries to assist you in the preparation. * You're holding him straddled between your legs when the doorbell rings and you find yourself quickly transported straight to the front door. * The pizza delivery people tell you to meet them at the end of the sidewalk. * Your dog stands in your lap and reaches over you to stick his head in the drive-through window at McDonalds and nearly gives the cashier a heart attack when she turns around to give you your change. * You purchase a large screen TV and you still can't see the program when he stands in front of the television. * After surgery, your bored pup decides to get up and cruise around the vet's office, pulling the rolling IV stand behind him.
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